Hi there Dear Reader . I hope you've been well.Our letter has come in early because firstly today is my birthday and I wanted to be a gift to someone.
A few weeks ago I was saying to my pastor " I really want to be a soft girl, I'm so tired of all these things. When do they actually end?”I never got a response in that moment because he was listening to me but he did respond in a way.
Let's backtrack a bit shall we.
January and February were hard months for me ,not just emotionally but physically, they had a literal strain on me that I felt the dizzy spells come back. I saw a doctor who told me I needed to eat well to maintain my blood pressure or something like that. Right before that I lost all my devices to theft.
When it happened it didn't hit me as much. It was only after I realised just how much my devices got me through life. They enabled me to do a lot of things and at the same time they helped me escape certain aspects of reality because the busyness helped me never check within my soul to see how I was doing such that when I was alone it hit me just how much of a life I didn't have of my own. It hit me how much my service literally defines me nowadays. Its literally my life now and those days seemed like the worst
There are other days when things just weren't going well at home. It felt like it was so hard but someone said to me you need to realise this is a season in your life and not your entire life. There is always an expected end.
The entirety of last week I had been running with that word and yesterday at church my pastor taught on contending for your hope. That moment was another wow God for me because some things just feel unending.
I learnt that hope does not change the outside ( the circumstances you may currently be facing but it changes the inside ( My internal responses to those things).
Hope is what I need to act out faith, it is a picture of a desired bright future in the present. In the now hope has the power to dictate my behaviour because when I have hope I will take certain actions and in turn it becomes faith.
Many are the times that something happens or goes wrong and our response would be to be downcast or depressed or to shutdown and yet staying in that very position is what the enemy wants because it distorts your ability to move forward.
Bringing this home ( my life ). I remembered the conversation I had last week Sunday about the expected end. This past week I kept asking myself what does my expected end look like? I might not know the in between but atleast I must have a clear picture of what my life should look like.
It might not be what I am seeing right now, the circumstances might not even be favourable but what I'm I hoping for??
The truth is you have not yet lived your best life yet, you've not yet met every good person you're supposed to meet, that dream trip doesn't compare to the one that's coming. Your walk with God only gets better and deeper, there's more about yourself you haven't learnt and we never ever stop learning, evolving and changing so long as we're alive. It's a life long journey and process and my now might not look like the things I desire or the things I hope for but that doesn't mean I won't have them.
That doesn't mean God hasn't heard my prayers and even if it seems to delay I must not relent. I must give myself the grace to grow slowly sometimes. To let patience and faith do their work in me
Lastly dear reader. You have beautiful things inside of you. It is just a matter of time. You're going to be walking in the manifestation of all that you have been praying for and speaking over your life in a matter of time.
There was never a moment when God left you. His word says even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you're with me.
The only reason David is able to walk in that valley and come out sane is because he walked in it with God.
Within the same scripture there is a season in which God is going to prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
Let's pause for a bit. I want you to think on this. What does your expected end look like? Your picture of a brighter day and future now?
For me it's continually serving God even in my lows, that I am a walking manifestation of what unathi means (God is with us ). That I am living in his will for my life , not just any will but his perfect will. That I live to do his will and pleasure
Other days it looks like taking a trip to zanzibar with my girls , its graduation mid next year, watching Imani scale into a company that will one day provide someone with employment, a birthday where my sisters and I go on a date.
Moving into my own apartment one day, and when God allows, being in love so much that I'm always smiling. (Inserts laughing emoji because yohhh)
For now my expected end looks like this.
Dear Reader, allow yourself to hope again, to believe again , to create a vision board again. Allow your hope to cause you to have faith in that expected end.
Till next time
Unathi.